SELF-WORTH AND MONEY
We’ve all heard the saying ‘money can’t buy happiness’ and whilst it’s true I find myself coming back to a voice in my head saying ‘but money will go a long way to help us find it.’
When we are happy we have better self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence so why shouldn’t I chase money and find my self-worth?
What are Self-Worth and Self-Esteem?
- The Oxford Dictionary simply defines self-worth as another word for self-esteem so they are interchangeable.
- Self-worth is defined by Merriam-Webster as:
“a feeling that you are
a good person who deserves
to be treated with respect”.
- Christina Hibbert (https://positivepsychology.com/self-worth/) defines this:
“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.” (2013).
“..deep knowing that I am of value,
that I am loveable,
necessary to this life,
and of incomprehensible worth”
Dangers of Pursuing Money as Self-Worth
A recent study called ‘Can’t Buy Me Love (or Friendship): Social Consequences of Financially Contingent Self-Worth’ highlights the possible dangers of pursuing money as a means of self-worth or something that gives us value as an individual. It states
“that basing one’s self-worth on financial success is associated with greater feelings of loneliness and social disconnection, and this may be related to experiencing less autonomy and spending less time with family and friends.”
The study suggests that people who make their self-worth dependent on their financial success spend less time with loved ones because they are pressured to seek success in the field of money. Does this in turn leads to worse social outcomes
Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!
“Don’t Be Ungrateful…
…Your kids need you…
…don’t go on social media…”
The religious guilt:
“You nearly died. God has given you another chance, why are you wasting it on chasing after worldly possessions.? Spend all your time seeking the pleasure of The Almighty”
You shouldn’t be on social media:
“Don’t make a display of yourself, don’t post yourself, what will people think?”
Don’t be ungrateful:
“Your husband is earning. Women don’t need financial independence. Your husband can provide. You have enough. Some people are in a worse position than you. Be grateful and stop wanting more.”
The working mum guilt:
“Working from home will mean your kids will suffer. You should dedicate all your time to them. They need you. Your husband, children, and home should be number one priority. You are not a city career girl anymore. Forget your past career and success.”
The Doubts and Doubters
Then come the doubters who question your ability. “Do you think it’s easy to start your own business? You don’t know anything about running an online business? You are not strong enough or well enough. Focus on yourself and your home”
The voices “Maybe they’re right? I haven’t made enough sales and the expenses are mounting, what If I lose the last of my savings? What will people say? I’ll be humiliated?”
Reflect, Evaluate, and Find Your Self Worth.
For a long time, I felt guilty for wanting to start my own online business from home. It took me over a year before I took the leap of faith and launched Nurturify. At first, I felt I was compromising my faith by pursuing my online business but as I studied more I realised there was no conflict. I was born and raised as a Muslim but I knew very little about my faith and was rather ignorant. However, I can now confidently say my faith has empowered me to do self-care to self-love and seek my self-worth both through worldly means and also through my connection with The Almighty. Seeking wealth is not a bad thing if done with honesty and integrity and when you have good intentions on how to use that money. I intend to support my girl’s education and continue to support two orphanages I have supported for many years.
“The truthful and trustworthy businessman will be in the company of Prophets, saints, and martyrs on the Day of Judgment. (Darimi, Tirmidhi)
My self-worth lies in knowing that I will not be judged on my financial/ qualification success nor my physical appearance or abilities but rather the good deeds, righteousness, and kindness I possess. Those good deeds can also be earned through my pursuit of money and how I intend to use it. I don’t need to worry about what others think of my new venture.
Don’t Pray Till You Drop.
My take-home message from the above study is that placing self-worth on any one particular thing by itself can lead to negative outcomes, whether its faith, money, qualifications, children, your physical appearance, or something else.
Several factors at any given time make up a person’s self-worth which can differ from one person to another. Self-worth (the value I attribute to myself at any given time) can go up or down. My self-worth is at its highest when I feel content about the time I CHOOSE to allocate to all the things I value in my life; my faith, my family, my physical and mental wellbeing but also my business and pursuit of financial independence. I do not have to feel guilty for desiring some material aspects of life.
“(Is it true) that you fast all day and stand in prayer all night?” The companion replied that the report was true. The Prophet then said: “Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave (it) at other times. Stand up for prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” (Bukhari)
The period of self-reflection and evaluation did help me identify the values I wanted Nurturify to stand for. They are;
- Sustainable and zero waste
- Products like our Reusable Cotton Pads and the Gua Sha Rose Buds that would promote nurturing the person (self-care; self-love, self-confidence, self-esteem/self-worth) or nurturing the world. Hence the slogan ‘Nurture You. Nurture the World’
- Honesty and Integrity is of paramount importance.
I want to use my blog to share my in how starting my own online business from home and why I think you should too. It was the best decision I ever made to nurture my self-worth. The only way is onwards and upwards from now.
Monowara, Founder of Nurturify
NB: Credit to my dear friend @nataliejamesmakeup for triggering this process of self-reflection. Your words “Don’t say you don’t have time instead, say I choose or choose not to….”. This has had a deep impact on me. Thank you.